I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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