12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize