mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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