Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
