my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
