When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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