dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
