We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
