was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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