My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize