are you still at the devil's house?
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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