Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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