I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
