I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hippo gnu deer
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
