The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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