dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
