New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
