anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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