Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
