Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
