Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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