508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
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I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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