I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
