He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
