U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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