You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
