I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
