the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize