Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
