Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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