No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
