I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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