obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
