LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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