I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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