i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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