you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
