I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The struggles of a small town man whore
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
