i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
