You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
