If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
