OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
