she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
we're so committed to being not committed
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
