just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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