I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We had sex on a dog bed..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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