Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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