The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I forget how to act sober
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
