she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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