She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
