What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
