1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
