Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
