dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
