Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
