Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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