I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Your penis caused this!
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