Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
