Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
