I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think people are normalizing furries
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
