i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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