he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
