so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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