I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
