Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
they need to just BURY HIM!
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LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
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I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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