South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
