we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
